Thursday, July 09, 2009

SPICE debuts!

SPICE is an all fashion and style magazine for the discerning. Grab your copy; call 0803-328-6604, 0702-808-9176, or visit your nearest vendor. More outlets soon!

Friday, June 26, 2009

EKO DIALOGUE now available worldwide!

Hi bloggers!

You can now get your copy of EKO DIALOGUE, a witty collection of short stories anywhere you are in the woooooooorllllld!!!!

Visit and place your order today. We deliver to any destination in the world!

Eko Dialogue is fast-paced, brilliant and fluid you almost feel the blares, toots and cynicism of Eko (Lagos) literally come alive and jump straight at you. Promise me you'll get your copy *wink*

Looking forward to hear from y'all!

Happy reading!


Thursday, June 18, 2009


Nnenna Okore, the talented and internationally acclaimed sculptor and installation artist, returns to Nigeria to hold her first major art exhibition beginning June 20th, 4pm, at the Goethe Institut in Lagos. After a successful series of exhibitions at galleries in the US and the UK, the Assistant Professor of Art at North Park University, Chicago will bring her vibrant and constructive approach to sculptural and installation art to a keen Nigerian art audience. The exhibition will be opened by her former professor and mentor at the University of Nsukka and famed art sculptor in his own right El Anatsui. Nnenna often uses materials found in urban environments. Her artworks reflect the way that natural and man-made materials evolve, decay and transform, while other pieces can take on the character and flowing shape of traditional woven cloths or elements of nature. She has received several awards and residencies worldwide, and has been exhibited in several prestigious galleries and museums including the Museum of Art and Design, New York and the October Gallery, London. The German Cultural center, the Goethe Institut are her hosts for this show presented by Kachifo Limited, publishers of Farafina Books.
This event is sponsored by DANA AIR and proudly supported by FARAFINA.
The show runs at the Goethe Institut from June 20th until July 10th. Learn more about this artist by logging on to

Monday, June 01, 2009

Hiya peeps!

Be my darls and check out

My experience as a mother has taught me one thing: mothers need all the help they can get!
Oh yes, I have had many challenges as a mother; like most other mothers out there, it is a problem keeping a day job because nannies and helps quit on me at dare moments; and sometimes it's hard to think straight with the kids jumping all over the place, turning your once spotless home into a hub of chaos!
And when kids want something - THEY WANT SOMETHING! It never crosses their mind if you can give them that 100% attention they desire.

Jolly Kids is a business I will be dedicating all of my efforts.

Apart from your weekly shopping, we spend hours with mothers in caring for their little angels.
If you need to celebrate your babies birthday and you do not wish to raise a muscle, we are here to make it work!

Do check out the
blog and give me a call!

Motherhood is bliss!

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Hushed Voices.

It just doesn’t feel contextually appropriate to pick up a typical fashion/lifestyle magazine and be weighed down by the shocking true life story of a minor, barely six, repeatedly abused by an uncle, only to flip through the other pages and see the smiling faces of ‘fashionistas’ in their usual pomp and swish garbs. Cant really pinpoint my grouse here, but there just seemed to be no consistency in the theme, how could I for the love of humanity, have been expected to read a thing as despicable as that in one minute, shrug my shoulders, with a deep stomach wrenching sigh, make the sign of the cross and pray it doesn’t happen to my child, and in the next minute flip on to read other cheerful things about, well, fashion extraordinaire? How convenient could that possibly be? Were it a script from Nollywood, perhaps it might have been tolerable to have inserts of commercials jabbering irrelevantly. It is not something that took place in a foreign land that alienates me from the surrounding area; it is a true story of a 28 year-old Nigerian girl, an undergraduate of the University of Lagos who may never get her life straightened out for the reason that her uncle turned her into a sex slave to relieve himself of his most perverted fantasies many years ago when she was a child. That this story appeared in a fashion magazine is in itself nothing to raise hue about, but that it was rendered mechanically without any apparent interest or intent to bring the perpetrator to justice, the victim to solace or the readers to justification is perhaps the heart wrenching aspect. How are we supposed to get over such an issue if it is obvious that the status-qou is not being questioned, and justice is not being sought? Perhaps we are only expected to turn away and pray the news spreads to every home in Nigeria in the hope that mothers will be alerted that paedophiles are everywhere, but untouchable?
Who are these paedophiles? Our uncles, fathers, cousins, nephews, teachers, priests, and nannies? The people who should protect the little ones? The ones whom the children put their utmost trust in?
My grouse spreads across my face like a scar. Issues like paedophilia is not a ‘Super Story’ episode on Thursday evening when dad and mum leaves work early enough to sit with the kids with an accompaniment of soft drinks waiting to be entertained; it is an issue that should incite, provoke and bring forth tangible answers and pragmatic results.
Why are these things happening? And most of all why do we keep ‘quiet’? We talk, but we hide under pseudonyms that protect identities…and ultimately shield these psychologically imbalanced offenders. Our shame is in our silence. Nobody is talking. Our dishonour is in the culture that protects the depraved adults.
There are many stories of this kind, children abused by relatives, and the most horrifying detail is in the fact that it goes on for years, scarring the child emotional and leaving him/her traumatised for many years to come. And when it is time to voice out the pain which may now be too heavy to bear, the offender is either dead, sorry, or ‘untouchable’ – you know, an important figure in society; or in many cases the victim is unwilling to go the whole mile. She is still cautious, counting her losses, while society overwhelms her with its role of tradition.

I had interviewed a victim of paedophilia once. She was sexually molested by two uncles on different occasions. She talked about the episode, capturing details of the horrific incidents, I cringed. Apart from the article which was featured on, yes, a lifestyle/fashion magazine, she was going to write a book about her experience. I was glad, at least her identity was not concealed and I am certain the offenders will not be either as they are now exposed to the family and the world in general, it gives hope that some child will be saved soon enough from their grip, what relief!

But that is just one case out of a hundred quiet ‘pseudonym-ized’ circumstances.

What are the other victims doing? Some have been able to move ahead leaving their ‘shame’ behind, marry the men of their dreams and have their own children, they are sheltered; and a large number of husbands are not even aware of what had transpired between their wives and that 65 year-old uncle who they (the wives) plainly refuse to speak to beyond a ‘hello’ whenever they meet at family gatherings. Uncle is happy she is ashamed, his act is protected. He can go ahead and continue in his abominations; like her, the little ones will not be able to speak either, time will pass and their pain will dissipate and the chain remians unbroken.

Others end up like Kate, the unreal name of the 28 year old abused, who swears never to get married. She is in pain, her life is altered, but her uncle is untainted by his past. He has moved on to greater heights – of course he has his family, a doting wife, I presume, children he buys sneakers for, who travel to Dubai for vacation, and now he sits in a position of influence. His secret will die with him, he is certain of that because he knows you are a coward.

Oh dear, but that is what it is. That is the bed in which paedophilia rests on, unlike other crimes like robbery and drug abuse where people cry foul immediately it happens, a woman is concerned of how she is looked upon if the world knows she has been tampered with - men will not propose, friends will run away, society might even blame you. Like in cases where the child is said to be dressed provocatively, she is blamed partly for her abuse. Have you heard anything so sick? It is as off-coloured as the act itself!

Be rest assured that even if you are 3 years old and a relative beats you to submit to a shameful act of abuse, there are still some people, psychologically imbalanced individuals, who will assume the act to be minor, and tell you, ‘maybe, in some ways, it was your fault.’
It is true, a larger number of the society will interpret your cause in many ways vexing of the spirit. Still, it is your duty to save the next child and not camouflage in a garb that makes you a fictional character - one they are unable to relate with; be the heroine who stands and makes her voice heard in the hope of restoring a society of its madness.

Our love for ‘family’ that makes it impossible for us to point out the rotten eggs in our midst for proper penalty is probably the pits of it all. It is those ‘family’ roles we play that is most shameful – mothers who will not listen to their children when they cry out, ‘Do you know what Uncle did to me?’
Kate was slapped across the cheeks when she tried to speak to her mother years ago about the abuse, so goes her tale.
A society that refuses to pry – oh, we pry alright into the closets of celebrities. But while we are busy dissecting the livee of super stars, we should take the time to look through the windows of our neighbours. What do you see?

Report to the authorities if an uncle has his manhood inserted in the mouth of his five-year old niece!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

This thing that i talk about...

A couple of friends who read my blog are worried about my ‘sudden’ stance against get-some-money-and-blow-your-trumpet conduct that is all the rage these days. I made them understand that I have always had a problem with this kind of mentality, and have only been talking to ears that would listen…it just so happens that there are more ears listening now (probably because my cry is now on a roof top? Lol!).
But anyway, they are concerned that I stand out like a sore thumb.
Point of correction: ‘I stand out like a bright star,’ I say and laugh my heart out.
‘You see,’ Cee says, ‘You are just as vain as they are, you blow your own trumpet…’

Now that’s a good point. But I then realise that Cee and the rest of them do not understand my grouse. I am not against vanity; you cannot rid humans of a little pride whether it is in the form of a power-bike, posh ride, high-paying job, high-class friends or elite livelihood of any form. It is in our nature to want to fly our kites and get the world to see.

What I insist we do when we swank and swag is to be cautious of the ingenuous, gullible youth who sits back and watches our ways only to mimic and imitate.

We need to guard this generation of enthusiastic youths, who are looking to learn and grow, from our own insecurities - we owe them that much.

What really are we teaching them?

Last weekend I was in a club with my hubby when Eldee’s song Big Boy was played (yes, I dance to it! lol!) and whilst the beat was on, the DeeJay stopped the music which created a momentous pause, and he said…

‘Who amongst you own a Bentley?’ (a couple of silly hands actually went up)
‘All y’all recognise that they are BIG BOYS!’ the Deejay roared.

Then someone from the crowd screamed, ‘I own a Rolls Royce dawg, I’m a big nigger!’

That negro, with his jeans below his butt revealing grotesque underwear couldn’t be any day older than 27… he is in the league of an arrested generation trapped in a hollow world; and so is the ignorant bearded DeeJay!

Last week, my fifteen year old cousin who schools at UniLag came over to pay my family a visit, and we got talking about school and his choice of friends…

‘so who is your best friend now that Deji (his childhood friend who had relocated to the UK after secondary school) is away?’ I ask.

‘My new friend is Bayo.’

‘Ok, so tell me about Bayo,’ I say

Then my cousin goes… ‘Oh, he lives in lekki, he’s mum drives a range rover – hot piece of metal! He’s got a camry for himself, and his older brother actually lives in that house that’s got a swimming pool on the roof!’

If that is the best description a 15 year old can give about his best friend, then we are all in trouble – we just don’t know it yet!

So please if you don’t like what I preach, move over!

My point is clear: there’s nothing wrong in a little ego-stroking; MI says ‘I make green/you go green’ (or something like that) – that’s ego-stroking, it would have little effect on the mentality of a child. It’s just a feel-good verse which is permissible.

But I stand against blatant words that segregate and inflate, creating pomposity that wrecks the common sense of modesty that should be left unhindered. We should not encumber our youths with the leftovers of our own exaggerations, void of any substance.

Na wa! Too much grammar, but you get my drift? Lol!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Lyrically speaking...

2008 was a high for Nigerian music and artistes; I wonder what’s going to be thumping this year, and ask Nigeria’s critically-acclaimed music authority Ayeni Adekunle his thoughts on music, beats, awards, lyrics, and the bang and eruption of our acts.

I like the graffiti on Ayeni’s dark jacket, a tattooed embellishment with sudden glitters. He holds a smile and a cup of tea that he watches over with caution. Ayeni’s thoughts on music is fair, without unnecessary prejudice; a trait that eludes the many jaundiced-eye reporting of our time.
So naturally, I ask the first question on flawed information.
‘So MI’s CD raked thousands of sales in only thirty minutes?’ this was rhetorical, of course.

‘Come on Joy, don’t tell me you believe that.’

I shrug.

‘It isn’t as simple as it sounds,” Ayeni says, “vendors coming to pick CDs in the market doesn’t necessarily translate to money in the bank. It has to get to the buyers…”

‘ah, but I thought…” my words trail off.

I was a top fan of music in 2008, a lot of surprises and experimentation that worked. Ayeni agrees, taking me back to prophesy he made in January 2008.
“It was an article in ThisDay and I stated that 2008 was going to be a year of music.”
9ice had dropped Gongo Aso in October 2007, Asa had also released her songs - two remarkable albums free of bogus claims, faux or needless airs.
“I love Asa,” I say.
“Oh yes, she’s a good one,” Ayeni agrees, “she brandishes high hands and everybody from carpenters to mechanics, shoe makers, and bankers, all love her music; that means you can still do good high-profile music and still capture the Nigerian fans, the larger audience who we think are apathetic to first-class materials. 9ice proved the same point – local music doesn’t have to be pedestrian. ”

I remember my introduction to 9ice’s Gongo Aso in 2007; he’s style was novel, puff of air with a difference. And with his lead, 2008 emerged with a new wave sweeping through the entire industry.
Timaya was part of that current.

“Timaya proved us all wrong. He made us believe that no matter where you are, whether Port Harcourt or Bayelsa state, if you make good music you can still conquer Lagos,” Ayeni states.

No doubt, Lagos is the music nerve-centre, and Timaya was on everyone’s music list even without having a single video!

“Without a video Timaya took over the clubs! We already knew who he was before the video he featured with 2shots was aired,” Ayeni says.

Indeed 2008 was a year of redefinition, one that will unveil its intent in the new year.

We talk about MTV AFRICA MUSIC AWARD which held its debut in Nigeria. Of course, it is a general consensus that when an MTV comes to town, it brings with it bags of largesse, one that contains high-class professionalism, expertise, flair, and high-speed, better quality production and performance. But what did we get?

“It was a big disappointment,” Ayeni frowns, “Everyone can tell that they squandered all of 6 million dollars. It was a let down. This is a body that has a global reputation; they have held events all over the world. We are supposed to be learning from them, but they come to Nigeria and can’t even get their sound system right, they have no clue who the respected music shakers are in this part, and they couldn’t even get something as simple as categorization right!”

This categorization would have something to do with 9ice winning best Hip Hop act – a genre he obviously shouldn’t be labelled under. But he won it, winning acts like Nas – one of the world’s best lyricists, and Lil Wayne - the hottest Hip Hop act of the moment. “Ridiculous,” I cackle.

“They also had P-square, Alicia Keys and Rihanna in the same category. They had no reserved seats for people like Dele Momodu or Ben Bruce, but had six reserved seats for Munachi Abi.”

I intend to ask if the rest of Munachi’s reserved seats were for her crown, the tail of her evening gown, a boyfriend, a best friend, and um… her best sibling, but I go ahead and ask about a more sober question.

“Who was your favourite artiste for 2008?”

“It would be 9ice. Young people these days suffer from a very dangerous complex, we think anything foreign is better than ours. We wear foreign labels, listen to foreign music, we speak in tongues. We don’t even speak our dialect. 9ice got everybody speaking his dialect, we love him for that. I was happy that someone in my own time can teach young people how not to dump your culture, language, or lifestyle; for me it was a revolution. Dbanj, I am not particularly a fan of his music, but Dbanj is teaching young artistes the act of entrepreneurship. You see, I grew up in a home where no one will do anything for you, I grew up in a polygamous home, where you have to know where you are going to and what you are doing, so I can liken it with the music industry in Nigeria. The structures are not there, there are no labels, no managers, so as an artiste you need to learn to be an entrepreneur. So for me Dbanj is using the attention he has now to build an empire for himself. He’s definitely still on our radar!
In 2008, for the first time ever, he had a sitting governor and a past governor attend his album launch. He is building his brand, importing his own line of phone, packaging water, therefore expanding his brand; and that is the future! Dbanj teaches his colleagues and young people that it is not all about playing shows and doing hit songs, you need to establish yourself so that when your reign is over, when the fans put you in a corner and embrace another act, you will still be in the business of money-making. As I was driving down I was listening to Blackky’s song, ‘Rosie’. When Blackky was the reigning king nobody would have thought there will come a time when his songs will be trite. When Michael Jackson did ‘Thriller’, who would have imagined it would all be over? So no matter what you are, some day some kid will come and kick you away; what will you fall back on then, especially at a time when most artistes do not have the grace to trade? So they need to establish themselves as entrepreneurs. For that, Dbanj earns my respect. I will also give a lot of respect to Asa, who made high music fashionable again.”

It dawns on me that apart from Asa, every other female act seems pale. But I am quick to mention to Ayeni that I do not consider Ashionye a musician.

“Ashionye might not have found the right way to express her talent. She is trying to be a …”

“Beyonce!” I interrupt, bursting into uncontrollable laughter

“Yes, and it is obviously not working for her,” Ayeni continues. “She has a little bit of talent, she has more talent than Omotola, more talent than Goldie.”

I ask his predictions for 2009, and tell him how soulful Dare Art Alade’s new single ‘Not the girl’ is; but the song is like de ja vu, it sounds too familiar.

“It is written by Cobhams and Dare…” he mentions.

And I remember Cobhams must have done a rendition on it the year I received a LEAP Africa award at the Agip Hall in Muson.

“Almost all the artistes out there are not always sure what will sell, so you need to balance your song with a little bit of raggae, and a little bit of this and that. As far as I am concern that is for the immature. If you are going to see an Aretha Franklin show you know what to expect, if you are going to see a Jay Z show you know what to expect. This year, I hope many of them come into their own and be recognised for their genre. After a couple of hit and miss, someone like Dare is trying to build his brand and his kind of music, it is risky but that’s the way to go,” Ayeni states.

I chuckle as I mention the whole brouhaha between Modenine and Ruggedman. But seriously, I ask if truly Ruggedman is a rapper or just a ‘beefer’ – complaining about wack emcees… But hasn’t his nemesis arrived, spiting a lot more venom than he can ever imagine?

“He can rap,” Ayeni states, “he is an ok rapper; but everybody has their own limitations. Modenine is the hardest working rapper on this continent. I do not like Modenine as a person; I think he is very arrogant. Modenine also has a lot of personality issues. Rugged man is a regular guy, if he comes in you will flow with him like a regular guy; but you can not hide the fact that Modenine is hard working, he hons his skills with the diligence of a bee. That was what attracted every body to Nas; at a point in which people are saying rappers are never-do-wells, Nas came and brought up intellectual issues on astronomy, medicine, metaphysics, literature, and the world was loving it. That is what Modenine has. He works really hard and he is a better lyricist than Rugged man, but that does not mean Rugged Man is not a good artiste; but at the end of the day how will history books remember them? Rugged man will be remembered as the guy who saved rap music in Nigeria. He saved us from the likes of Eedris Abdulkareem; but having said that, he needs to reinvent himself. Modenine is the guy who says you can do art for the love of art. Modenine will not compromise his quality, he will not say because he needs to sell he will experiment with stuff. He is proud of his art and he knows what he can do!”

And then I giggle all the way to my office miming the lyrics – ‘I’m the shit-man, you are the shit packer.”

Saturday, February 28, 2009

20 things you should know about me...

1) I am a workaholic. I derive pleasure working on projects or scripts than I do engaging in anything else.

2) I am fascinated by dusk. I love the night life (maybe because I never really had any as a growing woman); I started clubbing when I got married; I really didn’t when I was single, strange huh?

3) I listen to what you aren’t saying, I focus on gestures, batting eyes etc than on words.

4) I am scared of having too many friends (I haven’t had more than 2 friends at any given time), I am always apprehensive of people and their intentions. I hate the exposure friendship initiates.

5) I do not lick asses. It’s humiliating! And I feel shame for people who do.

6) I am almost losing faith in the new generation Nigeria. We all are treading the same path we once criticized… I am afraid we are all just going to be red-carpet fixated, celebrity-obsessed, ass-licking cowards with no real value. May be that’s why I like
Up Rising, they sing a different tune, one that I can dance to.

7) I do not easily forgive. I forget easily (I actually think I have a memory problem. I can’t remember a lot of things from when I was a child up onto teenage years). But when the incident flashes through my mind, I hold on to the grudge….until my memory fades, again.

8) I am fearless; and I really don’t give a damn about stuff that bother a lot of people.

9) I THINK more than anything else.

10) I love intensely, I hate intensely

11) All of the jobs I’d got (now these are really good jobs; jobs I thought I’d get later on in life), none had ever asked for my CV.

12) I have proved every single person wrong – from my mother, to those who despised my humble beginning as a community publisher.

13) I totally despise cliques of any form, I think it jeopardizes growth, destroys individuality, kills unity, and fosters mediocrity; and it blinds its members to their own mistakes and faults.

14) I respect only a handful, I love only a few, I feel sorry for too many people.

15) I am on the highway right now in my life, anything is achievable, but I usually put on the brakes. I do not want to end up like many stories I’ve heard.

16) The only award ceremony I respect in Nigeria is LEAP Africa, not because I have one of those lovely plaques in my care, but I have also had the privilege to sit as a judge, and its transparency humbles me. Most of all, it is an equal opportunity platform for any type of youth, he doesn’t need to have a good suit!

17) My pen is caustic, and I am never afraid to unleash it on those deserving of it!

18) I am psychic to some extent, I can tell victory or doom a few hours or days before it occurs (not on a national level o! only on a personal one)

19) I love shopping; it’s therapeutic!

20) Before I got into the hub of my job, I was told I’d do things like everybody else. Well, I didn’t. I am still very upfront about many things; I do not encourage adult tantrums, and have walked out on many interviews because they just wouldn’t get their acts together. I am pleased…

Monday, February 09, 2009

My Interview in Vanguard...

This was published in Vanguard on Sunday, an interview conducted by the Arts editor, Mr. Mcphilips; thought to share it with you guys my biggest fans! :-)

Eko dialogue is a very peculiar title. Can you lead us into this dialogue?

Eko Dialogue is all about the bickering, discourse, and romance that prevail amongst the inhabitants of a city. Eko Dialogue observes the many hilarious, tragic, and startling episodes of Lagos. It is a dialogue that we have all engaged in at one time or the other, making it a collection that apes our condition.

The collection for me, is experimental at many levels: I noticed that in some stories, there are nuggets of many stories built in one and in some plots, the reader is driven to anti-climax. Perhaps I’m wrong or what do you think?

Our lives are experimental. Everyday is an original script, never been read. It is fresh, it is new, it is different from the day before. The same scenario might play out, but it is still a trial, leading us to something earth-shaking…well, the earth may not shake, but we might just congratulate ourselves for living it through once again. That is the Lagos we live in, that is the story I capture – one that is faltering.

The city of Lagos is one huge fascinating story on its own. And I am happy that in your first story in the collection titled, My Lagos , you painted this geography of Lagos in its anarchic sense. But am still worried if the short story form can provide the platform to flesh out all the contradictions of Lagos. What is your take ?

The dais can come in any form. Sefi Attah captures Lagos very well in her book – Swallow. It all depends on the ability of the writer. Our lives are sporadic and patchy. I try to capture that using short, ambiguous tales that may jolt.

The dialogue is not only about the anarchic Lagos, I’m thinking about such stories like the Sower and the Ravenous Wolves and Frustration-in-law. Are these stories still part of Lagos Dialogue?

But of course! Are we not aware of religion and the fanfare of luxury and perversion it has become? Do we not see how our men are arm-twisted by in-laws? The ravenous wolf converses with his preys just as the in-law babbles away his many greedy needs – it is still a form of dialogue; and it is our dialogue; and these various interchange make us who we are.

May be the title Eko Dialogue is a relative title?

It is a practical title, one that says it as it is.

So tell us about yourself: who is Joy Bewaji?

I am revolutionary, an extremist – one that loves and hates with great passion. I am a writer, a believer, a happy mother, an ardent dreamer. I am the alternative when you gasp for change.

What is your pedigree in literary writing?

I was never patient enough to garner mentors. I’d pick up a book, read the first chapter and question why it had to begin that way instead of another way. But we have our giants, and I am inspired by them – Toni Morrison, Vladimir Nabokov, Mark Twain, George Eliot, Scott Fitzgerald, William Shakespeare, Agatha Christie etc

Something must have influenced you into exploring the short story form, what is that thing?

It is just easy for me, and I want to believe it is a style Lagosians would like. It’s like music, it’s like dessert, it’s like google, you don’t want the point being stretched beyond its limits because you want to sound like a genius. Just say it!

Can you share the challenges of experimenting with this form with us?

The challenges would be that it required some kind of sinew to hold it all together. It gets disorderly until the Epilogue, where the character – Iya Koko weaves most of the stories in her idle chatter with her friend all in a bid to get some liquor.

What is your general take on creative writing in Nigeria?

It has evolved, and the sceptre sits with the emerging talents.

Tell us about one single contemporary Nigerian writer that his or work appeals you?

It has to be Chimamanda Adichie. I have read her books and some of her short stories. She’s a great writer.

Which of the person's work continues to engage your mind and why?

Half of a Yellow Sun is a classic, and has gone ahead to make her a literary genius.

Sunday, February 01, 2009


Ok! Let’s get this answers out…starting from number 3:

3). I’m a shopaholic, I buy anything that catches my fancy. Sometimes for the embellishments, and I never get to wear them.

Sadly, TRUE… I’ve got clothes I have never worn my whole life yet I remember how gleeful I was when purchasing.

2). I have a huge crush on Leonardo Di caprio. I don’t care what E! says about his ‘unsexy’ body – to me it cant get any sexier.

Most definitely! (solomnsdyelle, why is that so hard to believe? Lol!). I don’t like pretty boys, I like my man rough around the edges; u know, a little imperfection here and there. No mannequins for me, thank you.
Leo just makes my heart beat a little faster; and he is a damn good actor!

1). I dated one of my teachers in secondary school, he was such a hunk and I was in love. We spent a lot of time together and made the other girls jealous. Hehehehe!

HELL NO! my teenage years were innocuous; and I remained daddy’s lil girl.


Monday, January 26, 2009

two lie

I got tagged! woomie.

Here are the rules:
a. Tell three things about yourself, two should be true and one a lie.

b. Commenters should guess which two are true and which one is a lie and tell why they think so.

c. Tag 6 people to do the same.

d. Post the answers in your next blog, but only after you have a good number of commentsTWO

Here we go…

I dated one of my teachers in secondary school, he was such a hunk and I was in love. We spent a lot of time together and made the other girls jealous. Hehehehe!

I have a huge crush on Leonardo Di caprio. I don’t care what E! says about his ‘unsexy’ body – to me it cant get any sexier.

I’m a shopaholic, I buy anything that catches my fancy. Sometimes for the embellishments, and I never get to wear them.

So tell me – which ones are correct and which is totally wrong.


Saturday, January 24, 2009

Guess who's been watching DSTV...

Yesterday, my going-on-4-year-old Vicky, with her skimpy lil dress, rushed to the sitting room when she heard Rihanna’s Disturbia on TV. She grabbed a stool, rested her hand on it, and started shaking her bum to the beat.

‘Vicky what in the world are you doing?’

‘I am dancing,’ comes her chirpy reply

‘You don’t need to shake like that; you could just jump around, that’s how kids dance,’ I say cheerfully.

‘No oh,’ she answers, ‘nobody dances like that o. Can’t you see Umbrella?
(that’s what she calls Rihanna – Umbrella was, and still is, her favourite song…. She calls Dbanj ‘I suggest’. I think he sang something along that line).’

And then she goes ahead to wriggle her behind all the way to the floor.

‘Ok!’ I scream ‘no more MTV (no, actually, TRACE plays better music, MTV centres on cheap reality TV). Disney channel, and no more!’

Sometimes she goes, ‘oh please!’ with her tiny palm in the air indicating I talk to the palm and leave her alone.

And her younger sister, Jojo? She’s into action movies, jazz, Ribena, and Beyonce.

This morning, I screamed ‘Barney is on TV!’ Jojo shook her head and Vicky screamed back, ‘booooooriiiing!’

These kids!

Friday, January 23, 2009


I had a wonderful time with my girl, 36, yesterday.

She’s beautiful, unruffled, and warm with a good dose of humility (and yes, she is tall!).
We got to Swe and had a great time gisting and chewing on snail and asun. Hehehehehe!
She just got a raise; not like she needs it, the chick already earns retarded money, ah! I gotta think hard about this writing thing oh. There’s so much money dancing around in investment banking. (36 will kill me for this! lol!)

There was a live band, a lot of laughter and a couple of guys that couldn’t take their eyes away from two chirpy chicks. Lol!

Thanks dear for a lovely evening. Let’s do it again soon.

Show some love on her

Thursday, January 22, 2009

MI... the most incredible

I’d heard about MI long before I listened to ‘safe’ - his hit track. And then, one sunny morning, as I drove down to the office, it came on the radio. And I thought to myself, this most be the most creative stuff I’ve heard in a while.

And like a typical writer, I was dying to write a piece on him, something sweltering with ingenuity.
But things went awry with some manager who told me, ‘I’m sorry we will be delivering some invitation to some people, BUT you have to come down to pick yours’.
This piece of information was in regards to his Listening party.

Ok… so what’s wrong with this statement? Everything!

Everyone is a brand; if you are too ‘modest’ to recognise that, then you can let others walk right on top of your head.

I am not immodest, but I know who I am. Etiquette demands a certain procedure when delivering a message like that.
Of course, there are a number of dispatch guys working in the company, and I would have had no qualms sending one over to get the IV since I was taking the whole thingy as an official assignment, but after been warned in advance that I’d be squatting on the floor close to someone ‘better’ at the event, I hissed and said, what the hell, I’d rather watch pinky and the brain than bother with this charade.

But I got the CD, and it’s the best gift I’ve given to myself in a long while. He’s got this sexy husky voice. And no matter what y’all say, ‘Forever’ is the best song ever!


Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I was in this terrible traffic yesterday, going nuts over a reckless BRT LAG bus and at the same time gisting on the phone with tobenna, when the song came on.

Y’all must have heard it; that song – BIG BOY featuring Eldee, BankyW and Olu.

The razzest song of all time! What load of crap!

I mean seriously, is this the bane of music? Are we improving or are we becoming a bunch of deluded folks aiming for one goal – to grace the red carpet with our gold teeth gleaming like the shield of Robin Hood?

When I was younger, music was a tool for information. You sing and you learn. These days music only makes you conceited and pompous. It’s all hallucination; a figment of imagination stretching beyond it limits.

So what’s the song about?
Gucci on my wrist, prada on my back, Versace in my arse, DKNY in my poop, Bentley in my garage, and a Moschino suicide rope tied around my Kenneth Cole fan to kill me!

What a load of crap!

I mean subtlety, for me, is everything oh! Those blatant words proclaiming you are the biggest boy in town is just unbecoming.

And I used to love Eldee. Back then he was a rapper. I had a crush on the Trybesmen, now he sings folklore songs with no substance.

I’m sad…I’m really sad.

Monday, January 19, 2009


I listened to Dido all the way home… I needed something soothing to help me think.
I had just made a decision to quit my job. I really don’t think I’m caught out for that line of writing, and it will be sad to remain there and pretend I’m having a ball.
And to think a zillion and one people live that way…hmmm!

Anyway, I quickly informed my boss and a couple of colleagues so that I don’t get to change my mind after sleeping over it.

So it’s settled, I am leaving. What a relief!

So what next for me? I love writing. So I’m going to do a bit of freelancing – no strings attached per se. And then I want to try my hands on other stuff… and then write another book. This time, a full novel.

Life is too short. I made a promise to myself to enjoy what I do, and if it ever fizzles out, move on.

The place was good, but I grew weary of a lot of things. I’m not going to go into all of that here.

So, I’m gonna be broke for a while, play chess with hubby more often, and dance with my girls a lot more. Heee! Haaa!

I’ve never been one to give a damn. The things that usually get people screaming, only leaves me with a questioning crease on my forehead.

I love my guts!

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Didn’t go to church today… truthfully, I haven’t been to church in a while. Still in search of a true place of worship; a place where I wouldn’t have to question if the pastor’s fervent requests for tithing isn’t just because of his relentless greed to gain the finer things of life – swap his Peugeot for a range sport, ditch the local tailor for TM Lewin, grow a superior attitude… pastors are like naval officers these days – our tax (or tithe) takes care of their ish, and they till have the audacity to treat us like inferiors!

Anyway, I deviate.

Couldn’t meet Princesa’s 1pm brunch date. We’ve rescheduled for next week; 36, you are coming along!
Sundays are lazy; I spent the better part of the afternoon reading the papers. Got Next after a zillion vendors swore there was nothing like that on the newsstand; I gave up, but only after I asked one last vendor. He handed it to me, and I later realised ‘Elan’ (the style pages) were missing.

Next, to me, is a little cumbersome. Its stretched-out sheets are trying, they are enough to lay on like a mat and have sex on it. I wasn’t as ecstatic about it as I thought I’d be. Someone did a nasty review of Sefi Attah’s ‘Swallow’. It was hilarious, only because I am not the author. But I really liked that book!

Took my kids to Barcelos, watched them ride on the kiddy bike as I played pussy cat doll’s ‘I hate this part’ over and over and over and over again.

If the song was a man, it would be that I am in lust!

Its 8pm and I’m watching Freeze (Cool FM) on his MultiLinks game show – ‘break the bank’. Peeps go home with retarded cash on that show! I think you click a button, and what? You get 3 million naira – just like that!

Before that I watched a show with the mamuzee twins. They still wear their coral beads with identical ankara blouses. I mean, this is 2009 and those guys have refused to evolve. Move with the times abeg!

At this minute, I wish I was an entrepreneur, free from the stress of a 9 to 5 job. I am feeling blue all because tomorrow is just a few hours away.
And the hustle continues…

At this point I’d like to thank you all fellow bloggers. Your love and support has been overwhelming. Thank you for being my brothers and sisters.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

my weekend...

Ok… am trying to make this more frequent, blogging that is.
And I’m kinda re-branding, you know – new title, new direction.
I hope it works.


Yesterday I went clubbing with hubby and a friend. Our first stop was at Swe, and we had a swell time. I spotted MI (rapper) amidst the crowd, cute height, like you could place him on your palm and have him do a dance; and then Kel (rapper, again) was chilling at the corner and was only interrupted when her song, wa wa alright, was played. She and her crew jumped around ecstatically. She isn’t as tall as I’d thought.
The crowd was controlled, nothing reckless; and some guy fancied my friend which was cool.
The crowd waned before 2pm, so we decided to shift base. Nu grotto was next. Love the place! Club lights and all, except the DJ was wack. Felt like throwing my bottle of Malt at him!
Then my eyes became heavy at 4, and we decided to call it a day.
It was a good way to enjoy a Friday, except that I visited the loo too many times, and I couldn’t stop calling home to know how my kids (who were fast
asleep) were doing.


I woke up late, naturally. My friend was on the phone, talking to the guy she met at the club the night before. I chuckled. He was a rather short guy, who seemed desperate to get a woman. But she was courteous enough, and said it was ok if they hook up later in the week.
I totally ignored my children’s tantrums for ice cream, biscuits, chocolate, ribena, party, and swimming lessons; and decided to go back to bed after a heavy breakfast of yam and eggs. Got a call I had been waiting for forever; and I dreamt of me lounging in the Caribbean’s. Lol!
I’d actually wanted to spend the day with friends, but I couldn’t get my butt off the bed.
My DSTV expired earlier this morning, and I’m left with terrestrial TV for the weekend – heavens! I think this is the best time to read the rest of Toni Kan’s ‘night of a creaking bed’ and Jumoke Verissimo’s ‘I am memory’.
Hubby went off to work, friend is back to her base. I gave my Vicky – my first daughter, a spank on her bum for being extremely naughty, and continuously told Jojo – my second girl to take her thumb away from her mouth.

Tomorrow I’m having brunch with Princesa. Meanwhile, I’m watching Ebuka (Big Brother Nigeria) on NTA, Glo show. I like his cardigan!