two truths...one lie

I got tagged!...by woomie.

Here are the rules:
a. Tell three things about yourself, two should be true and one a lie.

b. Commenters should guess which two are true and which one is a lie and tell why they think so.

c. Tag 6 people to do the same.

d. Post the answers in your next blog, but only after you have a good number of commentsTWO


TRUTHS AND ONE LIE.
Here we go…

I dated one of my teachers in secondary school, he was such a hunk and I was in love. We spent a lot of time together and made the other girls jealous. Hehehehe!

I have a huge crush on Leonardo Di caprio. I don’t care what E! says about his ‘unsexy’ body – to me it cant get any sexier.

I’m a shopaholic, I buy anything that catches my fancy. Sometimes for the embellishments, and I never get to wear them.

So tell me – which ones are correct and which is totally wrong.

Holler!

Guess who's been watching DSTV...

Yesterday, my going-on-4-year-old Vicky, with her skimpy lil dress, rushed to the sitting room when she heard Rihanna’s Disturbia on TV. She grabbed a stool, rested her hand on it, and started shaking her bum to the beat.

‘Vicky what in the world are you doing?’

‘I am dancing,’ comes her chirpy reply

‘You don’t need to shake like that; you could just jump around, that’s how kids dance,’ I say cheerfully.

‘No oh,’ she answers, ‘nobody dances like that o. Can’t you see Umbrella? (that’s what she calls Rihanna – Umbrella was, and still is, her favourite song…. She calls Dbanj ‘I suggest’. I think he sang something along that line).’

And then she goes ahead to wriggle her behind all the way to the floor.

‘Ok!’ I scream ‘no more MTV (no, actually, TRACE plays better music, MTV centres on cheap reality TV). Disney channel, and no more!’

Sometimes she goes, ‘oh please!’ with her tiny palm in the air indicating I talk to the palm and leave her alone.

And her younger sister, Jojo? She’s into action movies, jazz, Ribena, and Beyonce.

This morning, I screamed ‘Barney is on TV!’ Jojo shook her head and Vicky screamed back, ‘booooooriiiing!’

These kids!

Thursday...

I had a wonderful time with my girl, 36, yesterday.

She’s beautiful, unruffled, and warm with a good dose of humility (and yes, she is tall!).
We got to Swe and had a great time gisting and chewing on snail and asun. Hehehehehe!
She just got a raise; not like she needs it, the chick already earns retarded money, ah! I gotta think hard about this writing thing oh. There’s so much money dancing around in investment banking. (36 will kill me for this! lol!)

There was a live band, a lot of laughter and a couple of guys that couldn’t take their eyes away from two chirpy chicks. Lol!

Thanks dear for a lovely evening. Let’s do it again soon.

Show some love on her blog

MI... the most incredible

I’d heard about MI long before I listened to ‘safe’ - his hit track. And then, one sunny morning, as I drove down to the office, it came on the radio. And I thought to myself, this most be the most creative stuff I’ve heard in a while.

And like a typical writer, I was dying to write a piece on him, something sweltering with ingenuity.
But things went awry with some manager who told me, ‘I’m sorry we will be delivering some invitation to some people, BUT you have to come down to pick yours’.
This piece of information was in regards to his Listening party.

Ok… so what’s wrong with this statement? Everything!

Everyone is a brand; if you are too ‘modest’ to recognise that, then you can let others walk right on top of your head.

I am not immodest, but I know who I am. Etiquette demands a certain procedure when delivering a message like that.
Of course, there are a number of dispatch guys working in the company, and I would have had no qualms sending one over to get the IV since I was taking the whole thingy as an official assignment, but after been warned in advance that I’d be squatting on the floor close to someone ‘better’ at the event, I hissed and said, what the hell, I’d rather watch pinky and the brain than bother with this charade.

But I got the CD, and it’s the best gift I’ve given to myself in a long while. He’s got this sexy husky voice. And no matter what y’all say, ‘Forever’ is the best song ever!

Word!

Tuesday...

I was in this terrible traffic yesterday, going nuts over a reckless BRT LAG bus and at the same time gisting on the phone with tobenna, when the song came on.

Y’all must have heard it; that song – BIG BOY featuring Eldee, BankyW and Olu.

The razzest song of all time! What load of crap!

I mean seriously, is this the bane of music? Are we improving or are we becoming a bunch of deluded folks aiming for one goal – to grace the red carpet with our gold teeth gleaming like the shield of Robin Hood?

When I was younger, music was a tool for information. You sing and you learn. These days music only makes you conceited and pompous. It’s all hallucination; a figment of imagination stretching beyond it limits.

So what’s the song about?
Gucci on my wrist, prada on my back, Versace in my arse, DKNY in my poop, Bentley in my garage, and a Moschino suicide rope tied around my Kenneth Cole fan to kill me!

What a load of crap!

I mean subtlety, for me, is everything oh! Those blatant words proclaiming you are the biggest boy in town is just unbecoming.

And I used to love Eldee. Back then he was a rapper. I had a crush on the Trybesmen, now he sings folklore songs with no substance.

I’m sad…I’m really sad.

monday...

I listened to Dido all the way home… I needed something soothing to help me think.
I had just made a decision to quit my job. I really don’t think I’m caught out for that line of writing, and it will be sad to remain there and pretend I’m having a ball.
And to think a zillion and one people live that way…hmmm!

Anyway, I quickly informed my boss and a couple of colleagues so that I don’t get to change my mind after sleeping over it.
So it’s settled, I am leaving. What a relief!

So what next for me? I love writing. So I’m going to do a bit of freelancing – no strings attached per se. And then I want to try my hands on other stuff… and then write another book. This time, a full novel.

Life is too short. I made a promise to myself to enjoy what I do, and if it ever fizzles out, move on.

The place was good, but I grew weary of a lot of things. I’m not going to go into all of that here.

So, I’m gonna be broke for a while, play chess with hubby more often, and dance with my girls a lot more. Heee! Haaa!

I’ve never been one to give a damn. The things that usually get people screaming, only leaves me with a questioning crease on my forehead.

I love my guts!

Sunday...

Didn’t go to church today… truthfully, I haven’t been to church in a while. Still in search of a true place of worship; a place where I wouldn’t have to question if the pastor’s fervent requests for tithing isn’t just because of his relentless greed to gain the finer things of life – swap his Peugeot for a range sport, ditch the local tailor for TM Lewin, grow a superior attitude… pastors are like naval officers these days – our tax (or tithe) takes care of their ish, and they till have the audacity to treat us like inferiors!

Anyway, I deviate.

Couldn’t meet Princesa’s 1pm brunch date. We’ve rescheduled for next week; 36, you are coming along!
Sundays are lazy; I spent the better part of the afternoon reading the papers. Got Next after a zillion vendors swore there was nothing like that on the newsstand; I gave up, but only after I asked one last vendor. He handed it to me, and I later realised ‘Elan’ (the style pages) were missing.

Next, to me, is a little cumbersome. Its stretched-out sheets are trying, they are enough to lay on like a mat and have sex on it. I wasn’t as ecstatic about it as I thought I’d be. Someone did a nasty review of Sefi Attah’s ‘Swallow’. It was hilarious, only because I am not the author. But I really liked that book!

Took my kids to Barcelos, watched them ride on the kiddy bike as I played pussy cat doll’s ‘I hate this part’ over and over and over and over again.

If the song was a man, it would be that I am in lust!

Its 8pm and I’m watching Freeze (Cool FM) on his MultiLinks game show – ‘break the bank’. Peeps go home with retarded cash on that show! I think you click a button, and what? You get 3 million naira – just like that!

Before that I watched a show with the mamuzee twins. They still wear their coral beads with identical ankara blouses. I mean, this is 2009 and those guys have refused to evolve. Move with the times abeg!

At this minute, I wish I was an entrepreneur, free from the stress of a 9 to 5 job. I am feeling blue all because tomorrow is just a few hours away.
And the hustle continues…

At this point I’d like to thank you all fellow bloggers. Your love and support has been overwhelming. Thank you for being my brothers and sisters.

my weekend...

Ok… am trying to make this more frequent, blogging that is.
And I’m kinda re-branding, you know – new title, new direction.
I hope it works.


Friday…

Yesterday I went clubbing with hubby and a friend. Our first stop was at Swe, and we had a swell time. I spotted MI (rapper) amidst the crowd, cute height, like you could place him on your palm and have him do a dance; and then Kel (rapper, again) was chilling at the corner and was only interrupted when her song, wa wa alright, was played. She and her crew jumped around ecstatically. She isn’t as tall as I’d thought.
The crowd was controlled, nothing reckless; and some guy fancied my friend which was cool.
The crowd waned before 2pm, so we decided to shift base. Nu grotto was next. Love the place! Club lights and all, except the DJ was wack. Felt like throwing my bottle of Malt at him!
Then my eyes became heavy at 4, and we decided to call it a day.
It was a good way to enjoy a Friday, except that I visited the loo too many times, and I couldn’t stop calling home to know how my kids (who were fast asleep) were doing.


Saturday…

I woke up late, naturally. My friend was on the phone, talking to the guy she met at the club the night before. I chuckled. He was a rather short guy, who seemed desperate to get a woman. But she was courteous enough, and said it was ok if they hook up later in the week.
I totally ignored my children’s tantrums for ice cream, biscuits, chocolate, ribena, party, and swimming lessons; and decided to go back to bed after a heavy breakfast of yam and eggs. Got a call I had been waiting for forever; and I dreamt of me lounging in the Caribbean’s. Lol!
I’d actually wanted to spend the day with friends, but I couldn’t get my butt off the bed.
My DSTV expired earlier this morning, and I’m left with terrestrial TV for the weekend – heavens! I think this is the best time to read the rest of Toni Kan’s ‘night of a creaking bed’ and Jumoke Verissimo’s ‘I am memory’.
Hubby went off to work, friend is back to her base. I gave my Vicky – my first daughter, a spank on her bum for being extremely naughty, and continuously told Jojo – my second girl to take her thumb away from her mouth.

Tomorrow I’m having brunch with Princesa. Meanwhile, I’m watching Ebuka (Big Brother Nigeria) on NTA, Glo show. I like his cardigan!